Relationships are essential – we’re wired to connect and we literally need that connection to survive. So with Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s the perfect time to sit down and reflect on, review and appreciate your relationships. As you know that who you spend your time with can significantly impact your life. In fact almost every success book will tell you that if you want to be successful, hang around with like-minded, successful people. I spoke on this a great deal in my book- The Next Maverick and it’s what I referred to as The Law of Connection.

Let’s take an airplane for example, weight has been recognised as a major problem in airplane construction and operation, and demands greater attention from all pilots. Therefore, any item aboard the airplane which increases the total weight significantly is undesirable as far as performance is concerned and may eventually result in a crash. Airplane performance is the capability of the airplane, if operated within its limitations, to accomplish manoeuvres which serve a specific purpose. According to research by a group run jointly by the aviation industry and the US government; many so-called general aviation accidents have resulted from pilots’ inattention to basics. In August 2013, BBC reported that crashed Nepal Sita Air plane ‘may have been overloaded’

Just as weight and balance is important to the performance and safety of an aircraft, so it is important to us. There are many ways in which we can become overloaded, often times are mostly overlooked. I believe our relationships are our centre of gravity. Imagine the most talented being with a nagging partner, hanging out with people who are constantly putting you down, an overbearing boss, et al. ability to get rid of the excessive weight will definitely increase your speed, improve your performance and reach your goals faster.

So how do you know if a relationship constitutes an excessive weight? Well, the question to ask is “After spending time with this person, how do you feel about yourself?” Do you feel energised, inspired, uplifted, supported or encouraged OR do you feel drained, let down, discouraged or somehow worth less? Once you have awareness, you can decide whether to spend MORE or LESS time with that person.

I am going to share with you a simple but powerful exercise that have helped many people travel light and with greater speed. Here’s how it works.

1. Make a list of the friends, colleagues, family and other people you spend most of your time with

2. Pause and ask yourself: “How do I feel after spending time with this person?”

3. Add a score next to each name from +10 to -10 to represent how you generally feel after spending time with them. Where a negative feeling refers to excessive weight

4. Consider how much time you spend with each person. What are the scores for the people you spend most of your time with? Are you spending more time with the ‘pluses’ or the ‘minuses’?

5. Make a commitment to YOU.

i) For your plus relationships: If you’re not already, find ways to spend more time with them. If you don’t have any plus on your list, how could you develop some relationships that will be that support and boost in life?

ii) For your minus relationships: In theory, these are people you should be finding ways to spend less time with. BUT, any healthy relationship will have rough patches and we shouldn’t discard someone simply because times get tough. You may consider whether there are unresolved issues or grievance that needs to be brought into the open and discussed. Or it may be that YOU have some ‘processing’ to do because it’s YOU doing the judging, not them. So, it may be that you need to spend less time with them or change the ACTIVITIES that you do with them, but if your gut is telling you to move on, that this person isn’t right for you, it may be time to pay attention and let go.

 

So, what to do this Valentine’s Day? 

For people who are there for you, who support, encourage and inspire you – as well as finding ways to spend more time with them – use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to recognize them! What is it about them that you love? And then whether it’s a heartfelt thank-you with a hug, words of appreciation and meaningful eye contact over a cup of coffee or glass of wine, a card, letter, email or a spontaneous gift – make sure they know how much you love and appreciate them!

 

And for the excessive weight you no longer need: You have some thinking to do. And if you can’t bear to let a friend go, or you have to spend time with a family member, find ways to be with them where there will be less opportunity for the negativity to come out. If it is necessary to continue seeing them, set your boundaries and find ways to make the relationship work on your terms.

Here is to your higher heights.

 

Happy Valentine.

With Love From Aji